When I was little my dad was an avid nail biter…he still is…chomps on those babies like there’s no tomorrow. It’s one of the most annoying habits, but he’s always done it. When I was little…I wanted to be just like my dad…so, naturally, I inherited this lovely trait. From the age of five till around 22 I bit and bit and bit my nails. My mother would put band-aids on my fingers to keep me from biting them…but I’d just take them off and keep on biting. Disguting, huh? One day I finally said. No more. I’m not doing this. It’s disgusting and I’m over it. Seems small I guess…but I needed to break a cycle. It’s still a struggle for me. Whenever I get nervous…it’s my go to. So, I’ve compromised with myself: I carry a nail file in my bag and I get a manicure every two weeks. This keeps me from biting for the most part because, well, they’re pretty and I don’t want to mess them up J Eventually, I’ll get to a place where I don’t have to trick myself in to not nervously and unattractively biting my nails, but until that day comes…my bank account will be slightly smaller and I’ll have successfully broken one unhealthy cycle.
The past few months I’ve been finding a few unhealthy cycles I need to break. Gosh, it’s hard to admit it when they creep in to our lives because most people would like to appear put together, a good head on their shoulders…capable of handling life they’ve experienced and yet to. Well, we all have our stuff unfortunately. At no point in life will we ‘have it all together’, know what’s going to happen next, be healed of all past brokenness etc. As we go through life and encounter new people and relationships…we will continue to have to adjust, heal as we uncover new depths of ourselves, be challenged to see where we need improve…to break cycles…
I went to see a movie with a girlfriend called ‘Crazy, Stupid Love.’ First and foremost…Steve Carell could make me laugh my pants off any day…I just think he is so dang funny. But, this movie takes a journey through different romantic situations, which require the people within the relationships to ‘break cycles.’ The cycle of being married for years and becoming too comfortable, the cycle of meaninglessly dating girl after girl, the cycle of putting a wall up around your heart where no one can get in…no matter who you are you can relate to these scenarios on different levels. I’ve been forced to examine some cycles in my life a little deeper than biting my nails. J I’m coming to find on a new level, as this romantic comedy clearly shouts, love is never easy…it’s never ‘happily ever after’…and creating your own happily ever after comes partially from…breaking cycles. Being willing to grow and allowing the other person the chance to grow individually but also…being willing to look at the cycles within your relationship together (the good and bad) and compromise and adjust where needed. No matter where you are in your personal world…to be able to fit the other person in and work together. The relationships that succeed are the ones where as Steve Carell says, “you never stop fighting.” The relationships where it’s worth it to break cycles that could potentially ruin two peoples chance at being in a healthy, imperfect relationship.
I was talking to a friend recently who was also coming to find cycles in their life they needed to break…and if this friend didn’t break them…well their relationship might not work. My friend wasn’t alone though, the second half of this relationship realized the same thing…they had some things to work on. Now, the beginning of a relationship is filled with sunshine…complete loss of a sense of reality…you believe this person is perfect. But as you go through life you begin to realize their humanness. Not only the things that annoy you about them, but also the things that make them broken…that prove they’ve gone through experiences that have affected them in certain ways. We don’t always know what those things are that will creep up and affect our relationship…we can “have it together” as much as possible, but inevitably romantic relationships bring these things out in us…and we’re forced to make a decision…break up with the person and decide it’s too hard…or…break the cycle.
How do you ever know when it’s worth it to break the cycle, my friend asked...what if we go through this and it ends up not turning out in the ideal way? Well unfortunately…that’s life. Just as we’re never going to have everything together, we’re never going to know if it’s worth it till you jump in there. I had a youth one time that said it best, “You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.” In my personal opinion…a relationship is always worth it to risk it…to see it through…it’s always worth it as long as you feel your true self is not being compromised to work together and walk through life. But, there’s the key…together…the two people have to be on the same page that it’s worth it. At times you may be unsure…but at the end of the day if your heart continues to feel pulled to that person…perhaps you should get over your brokenness and break that cycle.
But breaking cycles is daunting, as my friend, pointed out. But…when you want something…you fight for it…and you risk it…otherwise…you aint gonna get no biscuit.
I hope I continue to break cycles in my life…cycles that keep me from continuing to grow as a person…whether they are as small as biting my nails or as big as talking so much I don’t hear what my loved ones are saying or as big as being scared to run after my dream. My friend’s relationship is a true testament of two people who have decided to “risk it to get the biscuit.” To attempt to come together as two people at different places in life who think they can meet in the middle…now that’s a beautiful cycle I hope they continue.
Peace,
Reg
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