So, we just got a new pastor at the church I work at and as he addressed the staff this morning he began sharing that he had forgotten what moving was like. After being at his last church for the past 10 years he had become quite comfortable. He said, "It's been quite a jolt to the system." Boy is that true! I've lived in Nashville for four years now...and off and on really for seven. I've become quite comfortable. I know where everything is. I run into people I know almost everywhere I go. I have a homey apartment with my best friend since the 8th grade, an incredible job with hundreds of kids that bring joy to my heart, a circle of friends who love me more than I could know...I'm happy. I'm comfortable. What more could I want?
But...have you ever felt drawn to something so strongly that no matter what you do you just kept gravitating towards it? Have you ever had something so engrained in your spirit you felt you couldn't remember a time it was not apart of you? That's how I feel about dance and performing. Everything I see I see it in movement and creative forms of expression...it's weird I know...but it's how I've always been. It's my passion and no matter how comfortable I become I want to live that passion. And I feel so blessed that I have the opportunity to do that! YAH! I'M GOING TO NEW YORK AND L.A.!! HOW COOL IS THAT?? Who knows where I'll end up at the end of these two months and I know realistically it will be very hard, but I know no matter where I am and how difficult life might seem...I'll be living my passion and loving every person I meet along the way. I'm pumped. But...
It's a jolt to my system. It's a little too much change all at once for me. Within all that excitement...I'm petrified. Beyond petrified. What the heck am I doing? I'm leaving comfort. I'm leaving friends. I'm leaving my job I love. I'm going to be unemployed with no absolutely no money...hahaha! But seriously, that's how I feel right now. But...I don't like to dwell in fear and negativity too long...
Recently, I've been sorting through what 'goodbye' looks like. It's been popping up a lot recently. My brain has been moving a hundred miles a minute the past month but I'm beginning to compartmentalize all of these "shifts" in life. I've begun to really see the 'good' in 'goodbye.'
I've been thinking back over everything this chapter has brought to me. I came back to Nashville at a time in my life when I was very broken. Broken hearted, broken spirited. I needed new life and light breathed into my eyes. My last few years at Belmont began to do just that! I've made friends that I will never say goodbye to :-) And I can't express in words what an unparalleled opportunity I have had working and growing at Brentwood United Methodist Church. I've been more than honored to dance alongside incredible dancers in my company, Epiphany, for the past two years. And in the last year, I discovered my heart in Sierra Leone. None of the goodbyes are 'permanent' so to speak (and Sierra Leone will always be with me no matter where I go...) But it is a goodbye to this chapter. Not a goodbye that happened because it wasn't working or it wasn't right...it's a goodbye because it's time for a new one to begin. Albeit an uncertain one in every way...but...A chapter that the Lord has been writing inside of me since I was created. God created me to create as well. :-) Gosh, I'm cheesey.
You see...some goodbyes happen because something tragic occurs, or because there is a disagreement that can't seem to be mended...or we're not really sure how the heck or why the goodbye happened...sometimes we fight it and it is not what we want at all...but this Goodbye is none of those things...this goodbye is intentional and joyous...because the last chapter has been shaping and molding me to step out on faith and jump into life. I'm having to remind myself daily that this change is good. It's the most positive goodbye I think I've ever made.
Now that I'm done procrastinating on packing my belongings...I'll get to it...:-) Can't wait to share the adventure!
Peace and Love,
Regina
Vaya con Dios, Regina.
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