Enter In

It’s been over a year since I was last in Sierra Leone.  You would think after a year that the impact would have faded or diminished…but it’s the opposite.  Minute by minute I see their faces. Minute by minute I smell the aroma of River Number 2 and hear the laughter of over 80 glorious children I call…my heart.  I feel them.  I carry their stories with me.  I wait with anticipation for conversations to turn to, “so what else do you do besides dance?”  I can’t wait to word vomit every name and story and win over hearts to make their lives just a little bit better. My heart yearns to be with them.  After traveling to Sierra Leone three times in 10 months I felt like I was being led to Los Angeles to pursue dance and film/television.  I’ve found the transition to be harder than expected.  I have found so much joy in this new space but have also been faced with unexpected challenges. 

When I first moved here I instantly became close with my boyfriend’s mother, Pamela.  She was an actress and is now a minister working as a counselor.  Her light and vibrancy for life pulled me towards her.  I wanted to go to lunch with her, sit and talk with her…hear her heart and share my own.   We instantly connected.  We found we shared so much in common…one of which being that she liked to hear about Africa…and I sure as heck liked to talk about it :0) As I shared my stories with her we decided that she definitely had to travel with me next time I went.  I know her heart and light would explode all over Sierra Leone.  I know her calming touch would leave quite a lasting impression on Sierra Leone. 

Around November Pamela became very sick.  I wrote about her a few months back as her journey through this illness became more serious. As the months have gone on she has gone in to liver failure and has remained quite ill.  I’ve spent many days by her side in Intensive Care and my boyfriend has not gone a single day without holding his mother’s hand or lavishing her in love.   I’ve had so many touching moments I’ve wanted to share…from the constant love he’s shown her to the outpour of compassion from her friends and other family members…to the touching moments she and I have shared sitting in her hospital room. 

I’ve been reading a book called Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis.  What a warrior.  A girl my age from Tennessee who moved to Uganda to devote her life to helping people in need.  She adopted 14 girls and uses her two hands and the light behind her eyes to do what Jesus did….enter into peoples pain.  Enter in.  And take part in their lives in a very real way.

This concept is something I’ve grappled with since getting back from Africa.  WHAT DO I DO WITH ALL THIS INFORMATION? WHAT DO I DO TO MAKE A SUSTAINABLE IMPACT?  Katie says, “And even though I realize I cannot always mend or meet…I can enter in.  I can enter into someone’s pain and sit with them and Know.  This is Jesus.  Not that He apologizes for the hard and the hurt, but that he enters in, He comes with us to the hard places.  And so. I continue to enter.”

And so…even when I don’t feel like I have the emotional strength to…I come to the hospital and sit with Pamela.  I look in to her eyes.  I recognize her pain and affirm her in the journey her body is taking to finding healing.  I hug Oliver as tightly as I can after he spends his days by his mother’s side. 

And I remember…this is the love my little ones in Sierra Leone have taught me.  Unconditional love.  Giving a voice to the voiceless.  I’ve learned the voiceless can manifest in our lives in different ways beyond the “orphan.”  There are times when the “orphan” becomes a woman full of nothing but love and light whose body needs a miracle to heal.  The orphan becomes simply…someone who needs to be lavished in love.  This has been heart wrenching…it’s raw…it’s real…it’s life.  But my loves in Sierra Leone taught me that amidst any struggle and any darkness there is ALWAYS light…there is always the beauty of a huge white smile, there is always light behind the eyes of a tiny baby in need of food.  I’ve been asked the question recently that through something like this how do you see the beauty in life?  How do you enjoy life in the midst of it all…..? 

Well…after the night there’s always morning.  After the sunset there’s always a sunrise.  After a storm there’s always a rainbow.  And within each day there are whispers of beauty.  When we might feel nothing but defeat and the weight of pain…God, the creator of the universe sends little whispers to say…there’s hope…there’s more…there’s life…enjoy it…experience it…breathe it in. 

We enter in to pain and journey through experiences we are faced with never losing sight of the fact that…our goal…our prize is love and light.

 One afternoon Pamela and I were sitting in a restaurant called Mother’s and we were talking about her life and as she spoke of a recent struggle I asked her, “How did you find the strength to make that decision?”  And she said, “Because I had find the joy in life again.”  We enter in…we experience…and we conquer.  We conquer and we find the joy.  For my loves in Sierra Leone…that joy is The Covering.  For my baby, Allie, that joy was finding rest and leaving a lasting imprint on my heart.  For my Pamela…that joy is meeting each new day with the strength of a fighter…meeting each new day to say, “Here I am still world! Let’s do this!”  I don’t know what that joy will continue to manifest in to.  But…each new day…as she continues to say yes…I will continue to say yes as well…I will enter in…enter in and stand by her side. 

I love you my dear, Pamela.  Let’s conquer this struggle so we can get on that plane and spread your light to my loves in Sierra Leone.  They are waiting on you.  And I know they can’t wait to show you their love as well.