Results--Tales of a Mom in Ministry

I've now been a mommy for 10 months!  As a dancer and yoga enthusiast I was anxious to get back to working out.  Life as a mom, and certainly three months in as a working mom, left much less time for this than I originally anticipated.  And quite honestly, I wasn’t entirely motivated to work out at all.  

My first few months back to work feel a blur. BUT…I do know that from time to time I would race to the gym for thirty minutes before time to pick my daughter up from school. I found myself incredibly frustrated that so many of my post pregnancy comrades seemed to be shedding their baby weight so quickly….while I stayed in the exact same place.  It drove me crazy I that was not seeing results. 

Since April I’ve been going to spin classes twice a week.  And a month ago I added a Weight Training class…nothing crazy….it’s jazzercise with weights, to be honest.  Every week I step on the scale and there I sit….coasting at the exact same number I saw on the scale 6 weeks postpartum.  Seriously?  For a dancer and performer minded human this could not be more frustrating.  I don’t eat terribly and I drink a gallon of water daily.  I have all the ingredients for success.  What gives?  

Who knows….but I stopped trying to figure it out and started praying that God would help me to be confident and happy where I am.  Now….I’ve been praying for this mindset shift for a few months now…and I’ve gotten really good at pretending I’m cool with it all…but the other night a game changer occurred. 

I tend to pray a lot while I work out….pray that I actually make it out alive, haha…but mostly, it’s a great tool to quiet my mind.  Working out has always been a way for me to find Sabbath and rest…even in the midst of exerting energy. Two days ago I got to spin class a bit early…as I slowly pedaled I took a deep breath and all of a sudden I thought, “I really feel great. Genuinely great.”  Not just physically, but emotionally.  It’s been 10 months since I felt anywhere close to my old self.  I’ve felt glimpses of it here and there…but  in that moment I truly felt my spirit lift. As I started to pedal faster and faster I could feel that workout adrenaline beginning to climb.  I felt God’s presence and I thought, “you don’t do this for results.  You do this to be faithful.”  I said it again in my head.  “You don’t do this for results. You do this to be faithful.”  

My eyes began to tear a little and a I began to smile.  I pedaled faster and stronger for the rest of class than I ever have.  

I don’t work out to loose baby weight.  I work out to be strong, healthy, to quiet my mind, to gain energy to give to my family and my life.  I work out to be faithful to the body I have been given.  This phrase hit me as hard as it did because honestly the same can be said for so many things.  I am not Evelyn Mae’s mom because I expect results….yes, it’s a byproduct at times…but through out her life I will not always see positive results…I’ll continue to love her and be there, however, because I am faithful.  Marriage isn’t always filled with those fluttery butterflies but I am Jeff’s wife always because I am faithful.  And I didn’t walk in to ministry because I expected to see results.  I walked in to ministry because God asked me to and I am faithful.  This may be the biggest, hugest realization for me.  Perhaps a 'no brainer' to everyone else in ministry….but I am learning that being faithful doesn’t always produce a positive outcome.

Much like my frustration on the scale, recently I experienced a situation where I was rejected in ministry.  The kind of rejection where even after you sit back and look at all your ingredients you still go, “How did this happen?”  I think I always thought you could see a successful ministry by your results and I’m learning that some times you have to remind yourself that we’re in ministry because we’re being faithful to God…not for any tangible results we may see. 

The question has been asked, “Will you continue in ministry?”  

The answer is simply, “DUH.” ;-)

I felt The Holy Spirit ask me to journey in to ministry when I was 16 and I began working in full time ministry when I was 22….because I am rejected once does not mean I run….anywhere.  Especially when I feel confident in my heart that I was being faithful to God.   And just because I don’t see the number I used to on the scale doesn’t mean my working out is in vain.  Great is thy Faithfulness, Oh God.  I will keep going to the gym.  And I will keep serving God. Why?  Because, God’s hold on my life is greater than a scale and it’s certainly greater than the rejection of a few.