"Thank you for walking this journey with me."
My dear boyfriend Oliver spoke these words to me as I brushed the back of his neck on my way in to the kitchen. He lay curled up on the couch and I responded, "Absolutely, my love." His words were so genuine and heart felt. The kind of words that carry a thousand other words behind their simplicity. ....he was thanking me for walking with him as his mother peacefully and beautifully passed away earlier that afternoon.
For the past three months I have watched a man exhibit intense love for the woman who brought him life. I only hope and pray to have a son one day to express the kind of unconditional love and care that Oliver expressed. What a testament to the kind of heart my dear Pamela had that she instilled in her sons the gift of compassion...the gift of loyalty...the gift of never giving up on or abandoning the ones they love.
Oliver, I have watched you for two months sleep by your mother's hospital bed, tirelessly get up to care for your mother, wait around for hours in her room without food for yourself so you could speak to her doctors about her progress, devote each hour of each day to taking care of her affairs, brushing her hair, singing in her ear, calling her friends to update them on her progress...looking her in the eyes each day to remind her how beautiful she was and what an angel she was in your life. I have watched you be the beacon of light you told your mother she always was to you. I watched you give your mother the light she gave to you. The profound impact you have had on my heart as I have watched you love, hurt, cry, express anger, express joy....has been almost too deep and too lovely for my heart to stand.
Two nights ago Oliver woke up and said to me, "she's calling to me...I have to go to her." He left my apartment and drove in the middle of the night to be by her side. At 4:30am he called me and said, "I think you need to come down here." I remember each step of the day like clock work. Too many tender and private steps to share. But as I arrived at the hospital at 5:00am I walked in to a hospital room of love and light and peace. I walked in to a room to see my Oliver caressing his mothers hair as he stood at the head of her bed and the spirit of God radiating through out the room. The spiritual presence of God was so intense that within minutes I stood by Pamela as I sang and praised to the creator of the universe over her precious body. At 2:37pm surrounded by family and friends Pamela transitioned to the heavens to be with God. We all felt her spirit as it filled the room. Live out Loud. That was the title of Pamela's first sermon....and live out loud she did. What a radiant beauty...inside and out. What an example of a selfless mother. What an example of a women who walked the walk and talked the talk. No matter what someone else thought...she followed what she believed to the ends of the earth.
But her greatest creation? Her greatest expression of love and light? Her two boys. One of which I love so dearly. Oliver...you have lived out loud. I know you will continue to live out loud...but what I know without a doubt you will continue to do...love people as intensely as you loved your own mother...because that's a gift she gave to you. You selflessly gave of yourself...only stopping to care for yourself when someone made you ;-) No one asked you to go to Germany. No one asked you to put life on pause. No one asked you to sleep by your mother's bed night after night. No one asked you to exhibit such selfless love. You didn't think of you. You never expected a thank you or recognition. You ONLY thought of her. No one asked you...because...no one had to.....
So...you thank ME for walking this journey with you? No, my handsome love....Thank YOU for allowing me the privilege of walking alongside you. It has been heartbreaking. But it has been incredibly touching and life changing. It has been more beautiful than I could ever accurately portray. I cannot wait to walk other journeys with you...and I cannot wait to help shine Pamela's spirit each step of the way.
Living Out Loud,
Regina
:-) Love you!
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