9 weeks ago Jeff and I gave birth to our first child, Evelyn Mae. We call her “Evie Mae” for short. She is a delight. She’s patient, observant and a bit of a mama's girl…with each big smile and attempt to make small noises I can tell the moment she’s able she’ll be running full speed ahead. Every time she develops a new “motor skill” I jokingly say, “do you think you’re already off to college?” Man, being a parent is the best. But…there are days…there are moments…that are hard. For all you parents out there I don’t have to embellish on this statement. The tiredness that comes with a newborn is to the bones...and although each moment is beyond words worth it…you some times need a breather. I have to ask for help. I’m still not so great at this. But the simplest things seem impossible without an extra set of hands… I say this at 9 weeks and I know come 2 years I’ll have way more to say…if we add another kiddo in to the mix I’m sure I’ll have more on top of that…but at 9 weeks, this is what I know and I can say…parents are superheroes…and a side kick and then some sure makes a difference. (I'm so glad for my "sidekick and then some.")
At 6 weeks we made our way to church for the first time. We had a bunch of family in town and so we decided to go to my brother-in-law’s Preview Service for his church plant, The Village UMC. At the end of the service we were all given $5 and challenged to take our money and multiply it in some way to benefit our community. The only catch was…the money could not come back to the church. Anyone who knows me knows I love a good challenge…I like to do things big. We were asked to spend the first while in prayer, then come up with a plan for the money, execute our mission and come back in a month with our stories. We did a similar project at Brentwood UMC when I worked there and, at the time, my project prompted travels to Sierra Leone, West Africa marking a life changing chapter in my world. I was PUMPED to pray and see what God would reveal this time. I prayed. I fell asleep while praying. I prayed some more. I prayed for sleep…oh, wait…I’m praying about a project. What to do with this money? It needed to be something GOOD! Something BIG!
We came up with a project to raise money for 10 Winter Sleeping Bags and 10 Tarps for the unhoused community for Open Table Nashville. Jeff and I are both huge advocates for the work this non profit does and we were excited to watch our money grow. We would need $700. So far we’ve raised $200. One would think THAT IS AWESOME! WOW…$200 from $5, what a gift. And, I have been excited, but in the back of my mind I’ve been thinking…but it needs to be more…it needs to be bigger.
About a week ago I was at my friends house and I was talking to her mom about this project and other mission projects I had undertaken in the past…I told her I just wasn't quite sure when God would lead me to my next big thing….she laughed and she said, “Regina…you’ve said all of this to me while you are bouncing and calming your very biggest thing.” Oh….my daughter, you mean??? Oh geez, I’m short sighted…back to praying I go…”God, help me see the big picture.”
On my way home today I stopped by Starbucks to see our Uncle T and he asked about our project. He started talking about all of the other projects folks were doing and *wam*, there was my short sightedness again smacking me in the face. You see…my $5 was not the only $5 given out on that day…and my $200 is not the only money raised. This isn’t a Girl Scout Cookie Sales Competition… it’s not about the amount…it’s about the trust we put in God to do big things with our one small part. I’m one small piece of God’s puzzle and together with OTHERS great work will be done.
It brought me back to my struggles as I have begun to enter motherhood. I have a hard time when what I do isn’t the biggest or the grandest of adventures…I have a hard time when my house isn’t Pinterest perfect and the meals aren’t always homemade and I can’t clean that bathroom, fold that laundry, bounce my baby and empower the orphan in Africa too. It’s only been 9 weeks…can anyone tell I majored in Theatre in college?...thank goodness God loves me :-)
But seriously, I need to come clean that this is what God is doing in my heart right now. God is showing me that much of what I think matters…doesn’t. I preach it...but it's time to live in to it a bit more. The biggest isn’t always the grandest…most of the time the biggest thing we can do may seem to be the smallest. It’s the 9 pound baby I hold as I type that I get to watch grow in to a beautiful woman of God. She doesn’t care about all the big things…she just wants to be covered in love.
And $5 turning in to $200 is enormous and just because it doesn’t manifest in launching a non profit doesn't mean I’ve missed the mark. Because…it isn’t just about me, my gifts and my efforts…there are others around me ready to lend a hand, ready to bounce a baby, ready to multiply their $5, add it in with mine and we will love up a community together. Nothing is ever fun or fruitful alone….it definitely takes…a village.
Dear God, Help me to know when I need to ask for help. Help me to trust the journey you have me on. I need naught worry about creating the biggest or the best because you have already done that. Help me to gather those around me to celebrate the giftedness of community. Lord, you say where two or more are gathered there worship will be...I am not a singular unit...forgive me of my short sightedness as I strive to love better each day. Amen.
